


Aeonian

by WindyQ



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Give Ki the love he deserves 2020, Gonkillu - Freeform, M/M, Not beta read I’m a coward, Post-Canon, Reunion fic tech
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27147431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WindyQ/pseuds/WindyQ
Summary: Killua can’t articulate his words. He can’t even believe this is real. There’s no way something like this would happen to him, but Gon’s right here. Killua is still sitting in his lap, which is its own kind of embarrassing. It’s too much. He might just pass out. Gon was looking at him with curiosity, hope, and everything bright and kind in the universe.
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 5
Kudos: 97





	Aeonian

When Gon sees Killua again he’s withdrawn more than when he saw him last. He’s telling tales of what happened, all the little adventures, how Alluka chose to leave for a while. He tells it all with some bright smile on his face, but there’s an underlying sadness and despair, and guard Gon can’t break.

Killua keeps avoiding him. Not physically, but mentally. When he thinks Gon isn’t looking he has this terrified look as if he’s waiting for something to push, to break.

Even when it’s Killua himself that’s actually the one so close to breaking. Even now. Sitting on a picnic blanket, staring outward as the breeze ruffles his hair and clothes.

Killua sniffs and Gon is pretty sure it is not because of the wind. The quick slip of a sleeve under his eyes and blinking, all to make it look like he simply has something in his eye. How he swipes at the air as if something in it has made him do that...

Killua was good at hiding his emotions, brushing them off... so often he’d just turn away, so no one would see. He must have deducted that would have been too obvious.

“Killua come here.”

Gon pats his lap a couple of times, and Killua looks up slowly, eyes watery and lower lip quivering. His shoulders would be trembling too if he hadn’t been making his whole body as rigid as possibly, tensed up.

Killua doesn’t budge and Gon ponders. He could get Killua over easy if he just begged, made Killua do what he wants by never giving in and being stubborn... it would be easy. Gon doesn’t want to do that anymore.

“Pleeease? I’ll get you some Chocorobo’s on the way home.”

Killua seems to consider it, wiping his sleeves over his eyes and under his nose, lips pursed out.

He doesn’t say anything shuffling over and sitting right on Gon’s lap as he asked, his face a brilliant shade of pink.

“This is stupid...”

He mumbles under his breath and Gon just grins.

Killua shifts, looking down, lower lip jutted out, clearly feeling uncomfortable being so close to Gon. Gon doesn’t mind, he can see Killua’s beauty up close. How the blush blooming across his face was darker at the bridge of his nose. How his eyes sparkled like the stars, you could drown in them...

Gon tucks a silver strand of hair behind the younger’s ear, and Killua audibly gasps and goes red again, making Gon giggle. Killua following up with a glare.

“Why are we doing this?”

“Killua.”

Killua doesn’t look up, if anything he tilts his head down more, snowy locks falling into his eyes.

“Killua. Look at me.”

His tone isn’t forceful, simple soft determination. Gon wouldn’t allow himself to get carried away, no matter how difficult it is.

“Gon, stop!”

Gon freezes for a moment, fingertips brushing lightly on Killua’s thin shoulders.

“Stop it! Whatever you’re going to do... say! Don’t.”

The desperation in his friends voice makes his heart lurch. How Killua shrinks in on himself, draws nails into palms and digs them there.

“Why? Why don’t you hate me?! Yell at me! Hit me! Something! Tell me I’m as bad as my famil-!”

Gon grabs at Killua’s wrists tugging them up, and Killua visibly flinches, those beautiful blues threatening to spill over tears; those eyes filled with sorrow, hatred, and shock.

“Killua. Why?”

“W-why what?! Gon let go!”

Gon doesn’t, even when Killua squirms, he applies pressure, narrowing his eyes.

“Why? Why should I hurt you? Why? Killua already hurts himself.”

He clenches, and he knows it hurt’s Killua; the opposite of what he wants right now, even if Killua doesn’t show any signs of being in pain aside from the slight press of his eyebrows being pushed down, shifting his bangs.

“Why? Killua did nothing wrong.”

“THAT’S NOT TRUE!”

The shout stings. Not because Killua was close so it rang right in his ears. No, it was because of how pained he sounded, how he shook his head, and how his voice shatters right after the last note. How he shudders, shoulders shaking and tears falling.

“I-I left you to be with Alluka... I said you were in second place... I’m a terrible person Gon, just admit it!”

He rips his wrists from Gon’s grip while the other boy is shell shocked, slamming his fist down on Gon’s chest.

“Killua...”

Gon pauses, inhaling.

“...Killua isn’t. Killua is the sweetest soul. He left to protect his baby sister. How does that make Killua bad?”

Killua glares, fury crackling in his eyes more towards himself than Gon, salty droplets dripping down from his chin.

Gon was the opposite, composed. The only sign he isn’t in the crinkle of his brow, his hazel brown eyes shinning with resolve.

“How? Becau-mmph!”

Gon places a firm palm over Killua’s mouth before the boy can continue, and Killua drags his fingers up gripping and digging into Gon’s skin.

Gon ignores the pain as his flesh is broken, he ignores how Killua’s breath is warm and almost comforting on his skin, but also deeply heartbreaking, not a steady flow of warmth, clearly ragged and broken, like he wants to sob.

“No. Killua didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t care if I’m Killua’s first or second place, I don’t care if I'm Killua’s fiftieth place. I don’t. I love Killua. I’m glad Killua is my friend. Killua gives his everything for everyone, but Killua never gives anything for himself. Killua hurts himself. I’ll protect Killua. I’ll love Killua like he won’t for himself.”

He gently; as if Killua is made of glass, pulls his fingers away from his skin, before tugging his own hand back, grabbing something out of his pocket.

Killua doesn’t say anything, there was a flicker of something akin to pain in his eyes that makes Gon sad. That hurt that Killua doesn’t think he deserves this. He saw it burn in his eyes, swirling amongst that confusion. Thoughts he cannot hear, but can tell from the soft way Killua looked dejected, unsure, and how his shoulders tensed, and his breath had hitched. He doesn’t know how to accept love from anyone. He only knew how to give and give and give.

Gon takes Killua’s wrist pressing a soft kiss to where red was burned against fair skin.

Killua skin boils at the touch, a painful burn, that made his insides twist and his lungs scream. It hurts. When Gon touches him. When his palm had pressed to his face. His skin was still on fire. It all hurts. It hurts, his heart hurts. He yearns for that warmth, but he can’t be selfish.

Killua goes to rip away his hand, but Gon holds him there, slipping something on Killua’s ring finger. It’s cool to the touch, light, thin; Killua can deduct a lot from just the feel alone. It was an expensive metal. It was made from silver versus gold.

Gon removes his hand and Killua tugs his own up, staring. It was a ring. He had assumed as much, but it makes his heart skip a beat, and his thoughts come to a grinding halt.

It was simple, really. Beautifully simple. A small band of silver, with three tiny little blue crystals adorned on each side. In the middle the smallest of engravings. KF?

“Gon what-.”

There’s no way.

It was a joke. The universe was playing a cruel, cruel joke on him. This must be it his punishment, it was. Killua swallows the lump in his throat, trying not to cry. He wanted this. He wanted Gon to hurt him. He has to accept it.

Gon goes from looking pleased with himself to concerned in a millisecond.

“Killua?”

Gon swipes his thumb under Killua’s cheek. The universe really is cruel.

“Will Killua accept?”

“Accept what?”

He snaps, ignoring the hurt, how his voice cracks. He swallows it down. This is what you asked for.

“Killua’s crying? Did I do something wrong? Oh, no! Was it the initials?! I just assumed Killua would want my last name! Don’t tell me he doesn’t?”

Gon’s panicking, waving his hands around, his face morphed into pure horror, and Killua doesn’t get why.

“What are you talking about, idiot?”

“Is it a no then?”

A no to what?! Killua doesn’t get it! There’s no possible way this is what it is! It was all some dream, some awful horrible dream from a drug his family was making him take. It must be. A new poison he has to become resistant to. He must just be back there. He got captured. Alluka...

...Gon felt so real and warm... it hurts more.

“Killua, it’s okay. I promise everything is okay. I won’t let anything happen to Killua. I won’t let anything happen to Alluka. I want to protect both forever.”

...Did he say something outloud?

...Gon...

This was real.

Killua goes bright cherry red, all the way from the tips of his ears, crossing across his face like a pretty picture.

Gon was staring at him, bright-eyed, determined, and warm. Like he used to. There was an underlying concern in the set of his jaw, and he brushes his fingertips over Killua’s, only making the other boy flush further.

“Is it a no then?”

Killua can’t articulate his words. He can’t even believe this is real. There’s no way something like this would happen to him, but Gon’s right here. Killua is still sitting in his lap, which is its own kind of embarrassing. It’s too much. He might just pass out. Gon was looking at him with curiosity, hope, and everything bright and kind in the universe.

“I-it’s not a no... it’s a... a...”

Gon giggles jumping up, picking Killua up with him, to which Killua yelps and wraps his arms around Gon’s neck almost in a chokehold.

“That’s okay! Killua doesn’t have to say! I already know!”

Killua promptly digs his nails into Gon’s back as hard as he can, face redder than it’s been all evening.

“Wh-what?! You moron!”

He doesn’t pull his nails away, only loosening their grip as he buries his face in the heat of Gon’s shoulder. Gon doesn’t seem to mind the slight lingering pain, jumping around merrily. Killua smiles, feeling warmer than he has in months.

“I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this instead of sleeping I have to go to work soon helpanusjsjsjsjs
> 
> I did this to myself eidjjdididis but I need Ki to get loved! So much! I’m starved of content so I will make it myself! 
> 
> Dw the boys wouldn’t actually get married till a little later cuz they still about 15/16 here, but! 
> 
> Ignore how disjointed and messy this is sisjsjsjjsjs
> 
> Comments and Kudos much appreciated! Love you! Thank you for simply reading though! Cuz this a hot ass mess, and not the good kind. 
> 
> I’m probs screwing myself posting this so late no one will read it, but I cannot wait. 
> 
> Killua deserves love! Add me on my discord if you wanna chat or RP with my Ki WindyQ#6831 or here’s tumbles as per the usual! http://windyqs.tumblr.com/


End file.
